THE LAME-O

My friend Natalie has this one guy friend Keith, whom I had never met up until a few months ago. He met us at a bar and after meeting me apparently he was asking Natalie about me saying “who is that, she’s cute, is she single, what’s her story?”  She filled in him by saying “that’s Yvonne, she was practically married but now she’s single, she’s just enjoying single life now” After we left the bar Natalie told me he was asking about me and I just said “ok, coooool” The following day I got a text from Natalie asking me if I wanted to join her and a couple of her friends for brunch, I declined I had to recover from the previous night. A couple of seconds later she sent me (so I thought) another text saying “hey THE KEITH wants your number, can I give it to him?” So I said “well if he really wants it that bad HE can ask me himself” several minutes go by and I receive a text from a number I didn’t recognize and it read “hey this is THE KEITH can I have your number” WOW….so I wrote him back saying “well seeing as how you just text me I guess you already have it.” After that I started to get text messages from him like every other day asking me if I would go to dinner with him. After awhile of begging I finally gave in and say “fine, I’m off on Sunday lets do something then”  

 A few days pass and we decided to just keep it low key and make dinner and have wine at Natalie’s place. After dinner she got a call from Keith asking what we were doing, she invited him over. (Keep in mind this is before our date) Before Keith arrived at her place I was in the middle of watching “The Bounty Hunter”. He comes in says hello to me then heads out to the patio with Natalie, once they walked back inside I’m sitting on the couch with a glass of wine just enjoying the movie. He sits next to me and he’s trying to talk to me and at one point he then says “geez Yvonne we gotta get you loosen up, relax, and have a good time” Ok for one I was in the middle of movie, I mean who really interrupts someone while they have their attention elsewhere. Second, I’m sick and tried of guys trying to get me to drink to ensure that I have a “good” time, sorry people but I don’t need alcohol to have fun!

At this point I’m super annoyed with this guy then I got a notification on my phone and my ex boyfriend’s sister had messaged me. I was a little surprised because I hadn’t talked to her in a really long time so I was stunned. I guess Keith was watching my face expression and then he says “Oh no who is it; you’re ex boyfriend contacting you?” I just replied back to him saying “Ummm no, just his sister” He then says “Oh no, let me see a picture of this guy, let me see what my competition is” REALLY…guys if you want to make a good impression on a girl don’t try comparing yourself to their ex boyfriend, at least show the girl that you have some sort of confidence!! So I just said “well I don’t have any pictures of us…...actually there’s a picture of the entire wedding party in one of my albums if you want to know what he looks like that bad, then go look on my page” This crazy fool did it, after he facebook stalked my ex he then just gets really annoying and little obnoxious so I tell Natalie I’m just going to head to bed and Keith is like “Oh come on Yvonne don’t go to sleep yet, the night is still young, blah blah blah blah….”

Our date night, he picks me up and it’s the week before my birthday, we ended up going to Addison. He tried to take me to “Genghis Grill” and as we pulled in I said “I’ve eaten here before and I really don’t like this place” I wasn’t trying to be rude but I just don’t believe in paying for something that I’m not gonna eat. So he apologizes and says well where you want to eat then. Every night that week I was gonna be having dinner with one of my friends for my birthday since they already had previous engagements so I really didn’t want to eat the same thing in one week, so I said I wanted Hooters! I happen to really like the food there and he was like “are you being serious right now? This is probably the coolest date I’ve been on if you want to eat there” so I said “yes I am being serious it’s just chicken and girls in shorts no biggie” dinner is ok; we get to talking about how we meet Natalie, our jobs, just random things. After dinner he then takes me to 300 (bowling) he beat me two games and I beat him at playing pool, he asks if I wanted to go out and have some drinks but I said no thank you I really need to head home and do some laundry. He drives me home I thank him for the evening and we hug that’s it, then Natalie calls me and asks if I wanted to join her in Austin Ranch for some drinks so I did. If you can’t tell I wasn’t really into this guy.

My night out for my birthday, it’s crazy how we can run into people we really don’t want to see in Dallas. Well, we ended up going to the same bar Keith was at, earlier that day he had text me and asked what I was doing for my birthday and I just responded with “just going to dinner and out with my really close friends, nothing too big” we end up sitting at a table and he’s there and he’s wasted face then hugs me and says “happy birthday Yvonne” I say “thank you” he then keeps his arm around me and says “DAMN girl, you are sexy as hell” not gonna lie does make a girl feel pretty good when someone compliments them; then after the 100^th time of saying this I say “yea I think I got it the first 50 times you said it” then he takes it upon himself to tell me that he has a “gift”. that is never ending…OOOOOHHHHH REALLLY….so I say “oh, enlighten me what is it?” I’m not going to go into specific detail as to what it was but it’s was really graphic and I may or may not have egged it on but it wasn’t a pretty sight that’s for sure. The night is winding down and we head to valet, as we are waiting for our car Keith is standing by me and is getting into some sort of argument with a random guy Natalie, his friend and I  are trying to calm him down. He pushed his friend and I think ruins his shirt (he ripped it) and then calls me a, and I quote “FUCKING BITCH”.

The next morning I get a text from him saying “oh I’m sorry blah blah blah” then he sent Natalie the same text and she asks him if he remember s saying that to me, he says no and then she asks if he remembers pushing his friend and he says no. Clearly he was drunk but that still no excuse to call me that for no reason….he then blows up my phone with text messages/phone calls/leaving messages apologizing the whole ten yards. Natalie had to basically tell this guy that he lost his chance with me, I mean you would think if I’m not replying to you then I want nothing to do with you. Guess I………..

“should’ve said no a long time ago”