I've never heard silence quite this loud..........

It’s funny how guarded we can be when we get hurt….even for me. I’ve gone through my share of having a wall up with pretty much every guy I’ve “talked” to. As this year has gone by, I’ve realized what I want and what I don’t want in a relationship; I’m learning to slowly let my guard down but with this next experience I’ve realized how quickly it can backfire and make you want to put up your wall again, especially with the next fellas to follow….

A few months ago my friend from elementary school asked if I would be interested in attending a formal event with him. It was really short notice, the event was on a Saturday and he asked me on that Monday. I was seriously debating on if I wanted to go or not, I mean I still needed to find a formal gown, how I was going to do my hair, you know the whole “girl” thing. I was on the phone with my mom discussing the details and asking for her advice on if I should attend or not and she had asked me if I had any other plans for that night and I said “no” so she then said “Vonna, your not doing anything that night, when are you ever gonna get asked to attend something like this plus your not gonna find prince charming sitting on the couch” After thinking about it for a few hours, I sent my friend a text accepting the invitation.

We arrive at the location and everyone is dressed from head to toe in their appropriate attire. We mingle with a few people then head to our table, after dinner the party dancing begins. I noticed a rather sexy looking fella at our table, he was sitting across from me and I noticed he didn’t have a ring on his finger….or a date! I leaned over and asked my friend what was the scoop on him, you would think guys would be more discrete about trying to get information on someone but nope…not my friend. He got up from the table and either asked him himself what his situation was or asked the other guy sitting next to him. I was so embarrassed I had to look the other way, after that humiliation he then tells me that he is indeed single but that everyone at our table thought that me and my friend were and item….we decide to leave the event early and head to Twin Peaks to catch the rest of the UFC fight then head over to Black Finn for a few drinks. At this point I still had no clue what his name was so at Twin Peaks he finally introduces himself and says “my name is Jose” cool we talk a bit then things start to become a blur.

Seeing as how we were all dressed in fancy schmancy clothes, most of the drinks that night were free, we are all pretty hammered and the decided to all stay at Jose’s house.  The next morning my friend takes me back to my car and that was that. The following Monday he send me a text asking if I got Jose’s number and I said “umm no, he was throwing up all night and didn’t want to be like…I know your throwing up but ps..here’s my number”  he then asks if he could give him my number and I said “sure, but only give it to him if he asks for it” come to find out he emailed him that same day stating I wanted him to have my number…boys I swear.!! A week goes by and I received a text from I number I didn’t recognize. It read “so how has your week been so far? This is Gilbert by the way” Gilbert?!?! Who the heck is that so I responded with “Gilbert? Can you refresh my memory?” a few minutes go by and in the meantime I go to Google and do the reverse look up to see who the number was and all I got was a street address in San Antonio. . .. His response was “ouch!!” I then say “haha or not….” I got another text saying “you met me at the formal event, I was sitting at the table with you and ole boy.” Then it hit me, that’s the guy I had an interest in but I thought his name was Jose…

I send him a text saying just that but also included “I could have sworn your name was Jose, where do you get Gilbert from? That doesn’t make an sense” he replies back with “it makes perfect sense my name first name is Jose and my middle name is Gilbert, I’m a junior so I’ve always gone by Gilbert.” Ooook don’t you think if you go by something else you would introduce yourself to someone with the name you “go by”….just saying!!!! After that whole confusion I answer his question with how my day was going and we go back and forth just asking questions then out of the blue he asks “so what up with you and Daniel?” (Daniel is my friend I went to the event with) I then say “nothing, I’ve known him since the fourth grade and he needed a date so I said yes” a few hours go by and I’m at home and I just randomly texted him asking “why with the question about me and Daniel” he response back with “no particular reason” we text back and forth for about other 3 minutes and that was that.

It’s a Sunday afternoon and I’m at work and I decided to text Jose “Gilbert” to see how his weekend went….a few minutes go by and he responses with “its been good what about you” we text back and forth for quite sometime then it got to a point when I could have left it at that and not responded or I could take a chance and put myself out there…I did the unthinkable, I asked him what he was doing for dinner that night. EKK He says “oh, I’m just gonna make dinner and chill at the house” I then say (with the help of my friend Michelle) “how about you switch up your routine and lets go grab dinner” he replied back with “haha ok, what are you in the mood for?” we didn’t really discuss where yet but we decided the time and that I was going to met him at his place since he had only been in Dallas for 3 months he really wasn’t familiar with the area. I arrive at his place; we chat for a bit then head out. I’m very old fashion and believe guys should always get the door for a girl or a complete stranger. So as we walk to his vehicle he did indeed open the door for me, and when we got to the restaurant. The first date is always a big deal just cause you need to see if you vibe well with each other, I felt like we did I mean I’m all about a good conversation and I feel like on the date we did just that. I also discovered that the last time he was in a serious relationship was when he was 22, he’s now 28/29 (I forgot) I was intrigued and asked him “why haven’t you been in one since” he then explains about his job and that he hasn’t found the right one yet and that the last girl he was serious with and I quote “messed me up!” after dinner we head back to his place and watch the finale episode to “East bound and down.”

We ended up talked till 3 in the morning, just getting to each other. Then I say I better go you have to work in the morning and I don’t want to keep you up all night. He then says “if I wanted you to leave I would have asked you to leave a long time ago” I then say “ well I don’t want you blaming me for your lack of sleep” we laugh it off then he says” you are more than welcome to stay here, we are both adults and nothing is going to happen, I even have some clothes you can change into” I think about it and decided to stay, he gives me some of his clothes and I change and then we both jump into bed. It was really refreshing that he didn’t try to do anything with me. The following morning I heard him get up and he was so sweet, he shut all the doors to the room and was being super quite and tried not to make that much noise while I was sleeping. I left his place shortly after, the second I walked in to my house I got a text from him saying “if you’re still sleeping im jealous” I wrote back with something like “hey, not my fault” a few days go by and I sent him a text saying “have a spectacular day” he response back with “oh, I already am” who the heck is having a spectacular day at 9 in the morning!! So he seriously caught me off guard and I wrote back with “ok, then do something spontaneous today” his response “spontaneous for me if having a chocolate protein shake when I normally have vanilla” ooooooooooook he keeps throwing me for a loop and all I say is “go crazy with that shake” I was going to be go to New York that weekend and I felt like we had some sort of interest on both parts and I really wanted to see him before I left so with the courage of my lovely co-workers I sent him a text saying “I would like to see you before I leave.” He responds back with “sure”… who the heck am I throwing myself out there asking guys to go on date with me. I met him at his place and we go to dinner, this time we talk about our families and what our values are, pretty deep stuff. Like I said I was putting my wall down and taking a chance with my heart to see what will happen with this guy, I told him things about my family that not even my really good friends know. After dinner we get to in the car and he says “on our next date we will go on your side of town” I’m thinking ok…this is good he wants to go on another date…good sign.

We get back to his place, and he then says something along the lines of “oh, well I may come off as an asshole but don’t take it personal” so I say “that’s a cop out” and he says “what do you mean” I say “that’s like saying oh if im in a bitchy mood don’t take it personal its just who I am” he laughed it off then we started talking about other things and then he said something about the movie  “he’s just not that into”, like he could be Justin Long’s character and give me advice about dating. I was thinking what the heck is going on, I looked at the time and it was 11:30 he convinced me to stay for a little longer and I noticed every time he sat back down he would get closer to me on the couch, the last time he sat down he asked if he could use my leg and a pillow. I said sure, so if you can imagine his head is in my lap, he shaves his head so once he was relaxed…. me being me haha I rubbed his head like it was a turn table and said “wicky wicky” we laughed and it was really comfortable. I looked at the time and it was midnight, I had to work in the morning and I knew he did as well and he said I could stay there again but I didn’t want to wake up earlier than I had to drive back home then drive to work. He walked me to my car and we hugged then he kissed me, I wouldn’t say there were fireworks or anything but it was a good kiss. He then says he wants to see me before I go to New York and I say “we will see I still need to pack and I may have dinner with my sister but ill let you know”

I ended up having dinner with my sister cause her birthday was on that Friday I was planning on leaving so I sent him a text saying “I would love to hang out but I’m gonna have dinner with my sister” he then responses with “no biggie…I’ll just stay home….alone” if you haven’t noticed a trend here…I’m always the one going out on a limb. I go to New York have a blast come back and Tuesday afternoon I send him a text saying “hey stranger how have you been?” a few hours go by and he replies with “I’m at discount tire, changing my freaking flat” I could tell he was a little annoyed so I just wrote “that sucks”…a few days go by and again I text him with something casual and he’s beginning to give me the cold shoulder…I’ve been told once or twice in my life that I over analyze and dissect every little thing. So of course this wouldn’t be any different. A few days go by and I’m thinking what the heck went wrong…he was all about me shoot even wanting to see me again before I left then I come back and he wants nothing to do with me…nothing was making any sense.

It got me thinking oh maybe while I was gone “Ms. Wonderful” came along and swept him off of his feet…..cool about time, at least he could have the nerve to tell me something happened. Every girl needs closure…I was thinking for days that something was seriously wrong with me, maybe I said something too real for him and he got scared, maybe there was a simple miscommunication that obviously lead to a fall out…so many walls that I couldn’t break through. I was going to attempt one last reach out…one weekend I had something going on literally every night, Friday and wedding, Saturday a tacky sweater party and Sunday my company Christmas party…I sent him a text asking him if he had any plans that weekend and he replies with “Friday I have a friend coming in town, Saturday I have something for work” I was thinking so this means your available on Sunday hahaha so I just responded with “well enjoy your weekend” and you would think that he was be polite and say the same but I guess that would be asking for too much.

I would say a month goes by and I still haven’t heard from him…..something kept me  holding on to nothing really and not gonna lie, I was a little bummed just cause till this day I have no clue what the heck happen and he didn’t have the decency to pick up the phone and say “hey it was cool getting to know you but I don’t think its gonna work out” I would have so much more respect for him if he did that ….I did the unthinkable…yes I sent him a text yet another text….I’m seriously not the one to consentally be into someone if they aren’t interested in me…maybe with him it was simply “wanting what you cant have” well the text I sent him was “hey we are heading to uptown, your more than welcome to join” he responses back with “im gonna be meeting up with a few co-workers where you going” thinking back on it now that responses means 2 things: 1.) he wanted to met up or 2.) he wanted to know so that he wouldn’t show up at the same bar…I just responded back with “idk, somewhere off of McKinney ave” im with my friends and they tell me to go ahead and send him a text …keep in mind drinks were flowing…heres what I wrote “hey I really enjoyed spending time with you the few times we hung out, u seem like a really nice, sincere person. I was hoping to get to know you a little better, I don’t know if its just me but it seems as though your not interested, stay golden pony boy =)…see ya around kid!” ok the next morning I regret sending that message, and I know I seemed like “Stalker Mc-Gee” but I’m really not I just wanted to know what the heck happen…if you guessed I got no response to that text then you are correct…

I’ve never before put myself out on the line like that for some guy I barley know, I may never know what happen but I can say that for once in my life did put my wall down and I got hurt and its not fun…may we all start the new year off right and out with the old and in with the new!!!